you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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