You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
