I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize