You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
