Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
