i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
