Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
