In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
