have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
