I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
