I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
