what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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