Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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