So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
