worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
