My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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