Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
