I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
