While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
