Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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