i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
