why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
