guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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