Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
