I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude i'm inner monologue high
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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