okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
