just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How naked do you want me to be?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
