what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
