how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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