the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
