Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
