I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
