If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
