would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
