He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
