Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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