i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
