I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
