she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
