the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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