You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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