wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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