dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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