Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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