who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry about my life...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
