i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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