im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
