just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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