Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
