I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
