nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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