I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
