two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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