it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
