About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
