i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
