Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
