grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
