my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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