Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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