I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
