he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
