I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
