Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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