You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
