I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
