You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
