Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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