I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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