Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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