She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
