why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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