We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
